


40k Visit 1 - Waaaaagh! Stew

by OmniGawker



Series: The Traveling Hashery [4]
Category: Warhammer - All Media Types, Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Fantastic Racism, Food Issues, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24143614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniGawker/pseuds/OmniGawker
Summary: In the 41st millenium, a masked cook and his hashery appears near the battlefield between mankind's astartes and the savage green skins. It was a mistake.
Series: The Traveling Hashery [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622839
Kudos: 1





	40k Visit 1 - Waaaaagh! Stew

The Hasherer cracked his neck and felt his currently blue skin tingle from the In-Between’s energy as his hashery took the metallic form of a military cafeteria. The masked cook frowned at the sight.

But at least his pot of carrots and tomato stew was coming along nicely although he feels as if it was missing something.

Still, its bright color was a welcome sight to the gray drabness that his hashery has become for the time being.

The masked cook did jump a little when the first thing to reach his ears was a barely muted cacophony of a constant barrage of gunfire, explosions going off with every heartbeat, and savage roars that were baying for blood.

Still, the spot his hashery decided to land on was certainly sounded a tad too close to the action for the cook’s comfort.

So, he shouldn’t have been too surprised when a massive pair of wrestling giants just burst through the front wall of his hashery. Punching and shooting at each other as they rolled in from the outside and sent dust flying all over the dining space.

But he was especially when he felt his mask fly off.

Quickly, he clamped a hand over his missing lower jaw before he ducked behind the kitchen counter. Though he did take a peek at the new visitors that broke down a wall of steel.

As the dust settled the cook could make out the two hulking giants.

One giant could certainly be mistaken for an angry bulky robot if it were not for his snarling human-esque face that bled red from his shaven temple. Though calling him, it, whichever the case could be may have been pushing it since there were a couple of steel bolts fastened to the side of his forehead and half his face was naught but exposed muscle and bone.

He held in his hands a glowing sword that was looked more akin to a knife in one big hand and a glowing boxy pistol that was big as the masked cook’s torso.

The other giant was a mass of green muscles garbed with scraps of metals and leather that had a feral smile and gleaming red eyes as he spat out a broken sharp tooth. All while clutching an axe that seems to have many rotating sharp teeth on its head.

Although the maskless cook did see that green one was missing an arm.

For a brief moment the hashery went silent for just a brief moment before the two giants charged at each other down as they swung their weapons wildly.

During this charge, the masked cook extended an eyestalk as the rest of him dropped down behind the counter.

What came next was almost too fast for the masked cook to process.

The green giant yelled as its other arm was lopped off at the elbow but his cry was cut off as the armored giant uppercutted him in the jaw and sent broken tusks everywhere and the green giant stumbling back with a dangling lower jaw.

The armored giant then swung his glowing sword and gave the green giant two successive slashes to the head and neck, sending his head flying in two separate directions.

The upper half of the head flew out the hole that the two giants made while the lower jaw flew towards the kitchen.

And into the orange stew pot, instantly turning it into a bubbling blackish green mix and making a big splash that sent droplets all over the stove and kitchen floor.

One of said droplets flew onto the tongue of the now standing Hasherer who immediately, and instinctively, swallowed it and clutched his now bubbling stomach as he leaned against the counter. Heaving out his stomach all the while.

Why did the air start to smell like man feathers? And why was everything screaming wagh all the time?

The armored giant looked up from the green skin corpse and took one contemptuous look at the blue skinned man before he decided to let loose a quick shot to the cook’s guts with that impractically big pistol he held.

The masked cook fell to the floor, clutching his sizzling gut, and let out a scream of pain. His tongue lashing out as his upper jaw flared out into two.

All while his striped blue skin began to grow lumpy warts as it grew into a tinge of green. The cook was hearing the waagh grow louder and stronger and his heart began to swell along with it.

Heavy thuds were heard as the armored giant stepped up to the writhing greening cook. His hand rifle beginning to glow a neon blue yet again as he took aim.

The giant sneered at the squirming cook beneath him, “Xeno scu-”

Only for several inky tendrils to shoot out of the now green skinned cook’s back and lop off the gun wielding hand and latch onto the bleeding stump as other tendrils pierced the armored giant’s torso in the heart, lung, and liver.

The armored giant yelled out in pain as he attempted to pull his remaining hand to the tendrils in his body yet more tendrils shot out of the green cook’s back and wrapped around his arm.

The voices kept waaaging in the cook’s mind as he felt his split upper jaw grow heavier and his limbs bulked up despite more tendrils bursting out of his back and lifting him off the ground.

Soon, the armored giant was face to face to another green skin whose entire head began split into a giant maw of teeth as it let out an all too familiar-

“WAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!”

With its guttural roar let loose, the green skinned serpent lunged forward, its maw wide open and a barbed tongue poised to pierce the giant’s brain.

Yet the giant managed to rip off a few tendrils before he threw a fist into the green cook’s throat and through its head. Causing it to let out a high pitched squeal of pain as black ink spewed from the back of the green cook’s head.

The squealing ceased immediately as its jaws clamped down on the armored giant’s arm and began to twisting it around like a corkscrew before the green skin yanked it off with a wet rip.

The giant yelled out some more before he swung his other arm stump at the green beast’s head, tearing out more tendrils all the while.

The severed arm flew out of the beast’s maw as it head was pushed into an unnaturally bent angle; the sickening sound of crunching bone filled the air. Yet it stared back with angered hungry eyes.

Soon, the bestial cook had more tendrils shoot out of his back and into more of the giant’s organs and his longer arm stump.

The giant managed to chomp on one of the tendrils and ripped it off before spitting it into the beast’s face.

More tendrils pierced through and wrapped around his arm stumps, holding him in place as the cook snapped his head back into alignment with the help of his other tendrils.

The two of them stared down one another for but a moment before the monstrous cook threw his head back, his many mandibles flaring out.

The snarling giant let out one last roar of defiance before his head was enveloped by the beast’s many salivating mandibles.

The giant’s muffled roars went on without wavering before it was cut off by the green beast tearing off his head and the now limp body of the giant was thrown out the hole by the cook’s tendrils.

All while the beastly cook gnawed away at his new meal in his hands, tearing out crunchy chunks of skull and brain before sucking out the remaining eyeball which popped like a berry in its mouth.

The moment the monstrous cook swallowed the rest of the armored giant’s head, he and the metallic hashery started glow purple and become incorporeal once more.

Soon, the sounds of the battlefield went silent when the whole hashery found itself within the In-Between once again.

But the hulking green cook just felt his stomach ripple and bubble once more before he fell to his knees to let loose an inky torrent of meat, bones, and stomach acid.

All the while, his green skin gradually turned to a mottled peach tone and his bulging muscles shrunken down to a near skeletal thinness as he let out a hoarse gasp before collapsing into the puddle with a splat.

When the cook came to after who knows how long, the first thing he felt was a viscous stickiness on the side of his face.

The second thing he noticed was an acrid smoky smell that was clawing its way through his nose.

His eyes widened and he shot up from the floor and ran to the source of the acrid smoke. His still lit stove.

He shut off its flames and waved away the smoke only to be met with an odd sight.

The stew was a bubbling mess of grownish-green that nearly turned into a burnt bubbling mess.

But the cook knew that it could still be edible despite his wariness.

With trepidation, the masked cook slurped up the teaspoon of a now orange-green stew and took in its flavor.

Instead, he coughed and gagged before he clutched his bubbling stomach and acrid throat at once before he threw the spoon back into the stew pot with a grunt.

Then the masked cook grabbed the hot pot by its burning sides, quickly hauled it over to the shrinking hole in his hashery’s wall and heaved whole damn thing out.

He even hacked up a glob of saliva to follow suit and turned around to proceed cleaning up the mess that the dining area.

He did pray to whatever high power was listening in hopes that he not return to that universe.

For in the grimdarkness of that world, there was only a surefire way for him to vomit.

And so, with the help of a mop, several sponges, and with many, many spray bottles of acid vinegar, the Hasherer will rid his hashery of such a taint.

Not to mention the now twitching corpse that was starting gurgle from the neck stump. For that, the cook will need a bigger mallet.

But first, he will need to find his mask.


End file.
